Free: All the F*cks I Cannot Give

Free: All the F*cks I Cannot Give

Kelly Carson is one of those ‘Clark Kent’ like guys who just can’t stand up for himself. His wife doesn’t love him, his boss doesn’t respect him, and his father refers to Kelly’s twin sister as the son he always wanted. With three weeks to go before Christmas, Kelly receives the shock of his life when he’s fired over the telephone while waiting to catch a flight home.

Terri Flynn, a free-spirited starlet who is running away to New York after walking off the set of her latest feature film, overhears Kelly’s unceremonious firing and becomes hell-bent on transforming him from the Clark Kent he is into the Superman the impulsive actress feels he’s destined to become. After their flight to New York is canceled, Kelly and Terri take a last-minute jaunt to Hawaii, putting in motion a series of hilarious events and misadventures that will have you belly laughing from page to page.

From the beaches of Maui to the concrete jungle of New York and the underground swinger scene of suburban Chicago, Michael Carlon’s fifth novel, All the F*cks I cannot Give, will have you wishing you were in Kelly Carson’s shoes for just one day. Free on Kindle.

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The Unlounging

The Unlounging
Time theory iconoclast? Yes. Mentor? Absolutely. Obese, lazy, and beer-guzzling? At first, yes. But not every rebel is born. Some need a little something to get them going. For Selraybob, it was an epiphany and the old adios from his wife. But he got off his lounger, and his path is as unexpected as it is entertaining. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Free: The Corridor

Free: The Corridor
A laugh-out-loud comedy set in Oxford University which follows the student lives of the next generation of Prime Ministers and world leaders. The Corridor is a documentary-style comedy that follows a group of Oxford students through their conversations, tweets, emails, video diaries and text messages. Unsurprisingly, the students are more interested in their bizarre clubs, secret dining societies and political schemes than attending lectures or writing essays. Free on Kindle.

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Free: The Corridor (Volume 2)

Free: The Corridor (Volume 2)
The long-awaited sequel to The Corridor – a laugh-out-loud comedy set in Oxford University which follows the student lives of the next generation of Prime Ministers and world leaders.

The Corridor is a documentary-style comedy that follows a group of Oxford students through their conversations, tweets, emails, video diaries, and text messages. Unsurprisingly, the students are more interested in their bizarre clubs, secret dining societies, and political schemes than attending lectures or writing essays. Free on Kindle.

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Free: Premium Mixed Nuts

Free: Premium Mixed Nuts
A detective, a priest, and a murder in New Orleans.

Dad’s mountain camp gets a lot more interesting when a neighbor blows himself up.

She got her train ticket and left her home town in the dust. What could possibly go wrong?

A high school concert takes an unexpected turn when an arrow flies during the William Tell Overture.

A dead man rides into camp and kicks the coffee pot into the fire.

The party was fun and the girl he met was pretty. Then he woke up in a crop circle. When he goes to bed at night, he never knows where he’ll wake up. All these and two more tall tales prove conclusively that James has an excellent grasp of the absurd and you can come along for the ride. Free on Kindle.

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Habu and the Lost Zebra

Habu and the Lost Zebra

It’s a regular, sunny summer day, but not for little Habu. Just as he wakes up and goes to play, he sees a zebra in his backyard. Zachary the zebra tells Habu that he’s lost and Habu helps him find his way back to his family. Along their journey, the two friends learn about each other and have so much fun.

This simple story is suitable for children of almost all ages, whether they read it themselves or have it read to them. The story’s fun facts about zebras and the characters’ friendship will provide endless fun for young readers and the entire family. $2.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Circle of Lawn: New Blue

Free: Circle of Lawn: New Blue
A tale of two lawnmowers, taken from the real-life experiences of a shelter foraging tools in England.

The fate of the beloved Young Yellow is revealed as he too grows old and becomes part of the Circle of Lawn.

Introducing exciting new characters New Blue and The Watering Can, this is a treat for all ages and, more seriously, highlights the serious issues of conservation in the world of gardening tools as they grow older and less useful. Free on Kindle.

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Pianist in a Bordello

Pianist in a Bordello

Are voters really ready for the whole truth?

Are you?

Pianist in a Bordello is a hilarious political romp through the last four decades of American history, from a narrator who is full of surprises. $0.99 on Kindle.
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How To Avoid Your Future Crazy Ex

How To Avoid Your Future Crazy Ex
Crazy $#!* doesn’t just happen in the movies! Sometimes people have the capacity to swan dive off the cliffs of insanity and blow a hole in your life the size of a nuclear blast crater.

How to Avoid Your Future Crazy Ex is a darkly humourous guide that uses true stories to identify the warning signs at any stage of a relationship. READ THIS before it is too late and your experience becomes another footnote in the volumes of preventable ‘crazy ex’ sagas that inspired this book. $2.99 on Kindle.
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Captain Shoelace: Seasonal Mayhem

Captain Shoelace: Seasonal Mayhem

The first book in the Captain Shoelace trilogy, this is an introduction to the crazy world of Captain Shoelace. A hilarious tale of the first year of his life in the English village of Effam. The tale is split over four seasons. Each chapter recounts how the Captain’s life accelerates into a living nightmare; as his endeavors to impress his fellow villagers constantly fall way short of the mark. This gentle narrative is a stark warning to all that pretentiousness does not pay. $1.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Managed Care

Free: Managed Care

 

Is it too much to ask that a managed care facility refund a year’s advance payment when your grandfather dies before he can move in? Frank Johnson doesn’t think so, which is why the thirty-three-year-old now lives in a nursing home, locked in a chess match feud with management that doesn’t occupy nearly enough of his time.

When foster kid Elroy is thrust into his life, Frank decides to turn this forced relationship to his advantage – launching a string of absurd decisions, inappropriate behaviors and unexpected glimpses of tenderness that ultimately turn a New Jersey suburb upside down. A laugh-out-loud celebration of bad choices for good causes, Managed Care is an offbeat story about three misfits on the social fringes of suburbia and their ridiculous campaign to introduce an unfiltered version of intimacy to their stale, impersonal community. Because, according to Frank, it’s probably what Jesus would have wanted. Free on Kindle.

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Faster Than a Whippoorwill’s Ass

Faster Than a Whippoorwill’s Ass
A.J. Goode looks at some of life’s funnier moments while sharing insights into small-town life, parenting, and class reunions. Her slightly twisted views on life and the world, in general, will lift your spirits and leave you smiling. $0.99 on Kindle.

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The Cover Up

The Cover Up

What could link a webcam girl, a cross-dressing police chief and an escaped ferret?

A British nation torn by Brexit staggers on. Frankie Ferret, a pre-school children’s TV celebrity escapes into sewers of London and surely is dead. The people unite in grief. Chief Inspector Crispin Bissel, is in charge. He knows just the officer to front up the search, his wild, sexy ex-girlfriend, Selena Fontesse.

As Bissel dreams of kudos from finding the animal, he also dreams of rekindling the flame of lust if not love…

An outrageous madcap comedy walk on the wild side. Buy this book and forgive yourself for laughing. It’s not incorrect if you didn’t mean to. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Pianist in a Bordello

Pianist in a Bordello
What would happen if a politician decided to tell the truth—the whole truth?

Richard Youngblood, aspiring Congressman, is about to find out. He’s running on a platform of honesty and transparency—and against the advice of his friends and advisers, he’s decided to start with himself. His autobiography will lay his entire life bare before voters just days before the election.

And what a life he’s had. Born in a commune and named Richard Milhous Nixon Youngblood as an angry shot at his absent father, Richard grows up in the spotlight, the son of an enigmatic fugitive and the grandson of a Republican senator. He’s kidnapped and rescued, kicked out of college for a prank involving turkeys, arrested in Hawaii while trying to deliver secrets to the CIA…Dick Nixon Youngblood’s ready to tell all.

He’ll even tell his readers about the Amandas—three women who share a name but not much else, and who each have helped shape and define the man he’s become.

Are voters really ready for the whole truth?

Are you?

Pianist in a Bordello is a hilarious political romp through the last four decades of American history, from a narrator who is full of surprises. $0.99 on Kindle.
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Free: Reality Barks

Free: Reality Barks
A wickedly funny, tenderhearted DWC – Dog With Character, unleashes his feelings about his bizarre relationship with his new humans.
Booranyup Dog Pound is the last place a lost dog wants to end up. He knows his days are numbered. All the dogs do. Reality Barks. So this one, “Barney”, an ordinary country mutt, is amazed when two glossy Sydney Metro couples adopt him and catapult into the confusing life of a Timeshare dog. Suddenly “Barney” becomes “Elliott”, and shuttles between their two up-market homes and their Timeshare Beach House.

What happens then forever changes the Aussie bitser’s life. It’s Elliott’s “doggy confidential” story of rescue and redemption, tears, fears and laughter. He’s a clever dog with a nose for a plot. He understands everything his Metros say. Even stranger, he can read their auras too- so he always knows when Jamie, the Alpha Human of the pack, is up to no good. Then, when Jamie’s Big Plan surprises even him, Elliott has no option but to go for broke. He’s in, win, lose or draw. Dogs can dream too! Free on Kindle.

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The Bucket Shop

The Bucket Shop

Ben Thompson shows up for his job as a rookie sales rep with a brand new college degree, extra-large student loan debt and nothing at all to prepare him for life at the Americana Software and Hardware call center. Ben learns quickly how to deal with an intimidating bank of phones in a leaky wreck of a building, a psychotic boss, a sales team of misfits ranging from Alcoholic to Zany, and a drop-dead gorgeous co-worker who scares him to death.

The Bucket Shop takes the reader on a good-natured romp through a rough and tumble world of fast talk and shady dealings as Michael Angelus’s memorable characters stumble and bungle their way through a wild variety of page-turning adventures. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Dark Knights: The Dark Humor of Police Officers

Dark Knights: The Dark Humor of Police Officers

There is nothing quite like the police officer sense of humor.

Police Officers are the modern-day embodiment of medieval knights, going to work each day with a noble cause to protect and serve society. The profession requires cops to see people at their worst. They see death, tragedy, crime, and despair on a daily basis. The very nature of the tasks cops perform, and the things cops see skews their sense of humor. Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only defense mechanism in a police officer’s toolbox. Stripped of the ability to laugh, or forced to be politically correct in a politically incorrect work environment can be hazardous to one’s health. Coping becomes an essential component of a police officer’s arsenal. One of the primary coping mechanisms utilized by cops is humor. A cop can find something funny about almost anything, regardless of how tragic the circumstances. Dark humor involves making light of a serious, disturbing or taboo subject matter. It is sometimes viewed as morbid, cruel, offensive, and graphic in nature and is yet, still found funny. This is the story of the author’s twenty-year police career with the New York City Transit Police and NYPD as he worked with some of New York City’s darkest knights – those cops who did and said the funniest things under the most difficult circumstances. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Running With Wolves: A Woman’s Memoir of Sex, Scandal and Seduction

Free: Running With Wolves: A Woman’s Memoir of Sex, Scandal and Seduction
Playboy, celebs, the Hollywood Casting Couch to Silicon Valley and online adult sites, the hilarious scandalous real truth behind the scenes of the adult business. Free on Kindle.
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