450 One Line Insults and Put Downs: Funny Put Downs and Horrible Insults That’ll Win Any Argument

450 One Line Insults and Put Downs: Funny Put Downs and Horrible Insults That'll Win Any Argument
If you want to verbally destroy your friends and family with hilarious comebacks, without sounding like a child, then read on…

Looking to zing your friends, family, and co-workers with laughable one-liners?

Want a quick and simple insult that is perfect for every situation?

In need of a hilarious gag gift that’ll leave your recipient laughing out loud?

If so, 450 One Line Insults and Put Downs is for you, because it was written by professional comedians that specialize in raunchy retorts, crafted comebacks, and ouch-worthy insults.

Imagine having hundreds of hilarious responses at your disposal next time someone, friend or foe, tries to pick you fight with you!

Why This Book Is Different:

This book is different because it is jam-packed with content that is ACTUALLY funny for adults.

You’ll Soon Discover:

Hundreds of jaw-dropping and hilarious insults that will leave your opponent speechless.

The perfect one-line comeback for the friend that just loves giving you the finger.

Why this book is the perfect gag gift for someone that could use a helping hand in an argument.

What your personality, a busted chapstick, and beached whale all have in common.

A few golden classics involving your mother and all the terrible things about her.

And so much more! $0.99 on Kindle.

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We Must Save Jepson! (A Novella)

We Must Save Jepson! (A Novella)
Part rip-roaring adventure, part scathing historical satire, and entirely hilarious, We Must Save Jepson! is the tale of clueless-yet-determined librarian H. R. Huxtable and his band of misfits as they battle to rescue a beleaguered British outpost in Victorian-era central Africa. $0.99 on Kindle.
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2020, An Obese Turtle: 101 COVID Words and Phrases We Want to Forget

2020, An Obese Turtle: 101 COVID Words and Phrases We Want to Forget
A funny, satirical and touching book about the myriad of new words and phrases 2020 and COVID-19 have given us. From Zumping (getting dumped on Zoom), to Covidiots to “when can I hug again” this humorous list covers 101 of the most poignant words and phrases. Some we just want to forget, some will live with us forever. A percent of profits will be donated to essential workers. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Massive in Lapland

A Christmas Story for Alan Rose and Frankie Fortune.
Alan gets the trip of a lifetime. A trip to Lapland to see Santa’s grotto and the Northern Lights. All he has to do is perform a couple of stand up shows to bemused Finns.
Pekka Pekkonen is Finland’s finest comedian, but he’s had enough of the limelight and wants out.
When Alan and Pekka meet, will they discover who really is Massive In Lapland? $1.24 on Kindle.

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Free: Jack Hansen – Small Man of the Big City: A Day Like Any Other

Jack Hansen - Small Man of the Big City: A Day Like Any Other
Do you feel like a squirrel trapped inside a spinning wheel? Then you simply haven’t met Jack Hansen yet! Jack is an alright guy, but he’s always betrayed by his bad luck. His neighbor, Garry, is always hooking up with yet another stunner. His co-worker, Bill, is constantly pursuing a brunette who ignores him. The toady Larson is always fawning and groveling to ingratiate himself to and become his boss’s favorite. Austin next door does not believe in the sincerity of his lover Phil’s feelings for him. And, just perhaps, it is the mysterious young woman from the window across the street from his who is entirely to blame for the fact that Jack’s day has taken an unexpected turn for the worse, and proceeds to go to the dogs? Free on Kindle.

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Free: The Gopher King

The Gopher King
A suicidal former platoon sergeant, sole survivor of a Vietnam War jungle ambush, is haunted by what he perceives as his cowardly past. Debilitated by guilt and mourning the death of his wife, small-town newspaper publisher Stan Przewalski lives in a PTSD-fueled world where it is impossible to distinguish reality from fantasy. Free on Kindle.

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The Joint of No Return

The Joint of No Return

Bumbling stoner Charlie Hong has spent the last year in hiding, cultivating one last hare-brained scheme to escape his troubles: a clandestine marijuana operation. Just as he’s about to cash in, his cash crop is stolen by a bright light appearing in the night sky. After catching a ride with one of his plants, he finds himself thrown into a world far stranger than anything he could have possibly imagined.

Does the stoned stowaway have what it takes to free the Starseed—a massive living spaceship overflowing with bizarre life forms—from the clutches of a mysterious force field trapping it in Earth’s orbit?

Is he up for the challenge of fighting an evil Reptilian race bent on enslaving humanity?

More importantly, before he decides anything, does he have time to light one up? $0.99 on Kindle.

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My Neighbours Are Stealing My Mail

My Neighbours Are Stealing My Mail
More hilarious ghostly capers with Alan Rose and the Ghost of a 1970s stand – up comedian Frankie Fortune.

In their fourth book Alan Rose has quit his job and, much to his disappointment moved in with his girlfriend, Rosie. But if only it was. Rosy, that is. You see, he’s not getting any mail. Convinced his neighbors are stealing it, he investigates. Only to find evidence of…witchcraft.

Meanwhile the Merton Palace Theatre is being renovated. As the building work continues, strange noises can be heard from the cellar. What have the builders disturbed?

The crew of the cable TV show Scared Stiff are sent in to broadcast the strange happenings live on air.

What could possibly go wrong? $1.30 on Kindle.

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Bad Elf

Bad Elf

A Goth-elf, Jack is not like most other elves at The Pole. He hates the cold. Hates making toys. And he thinks Santa might be just a little bit too stingy with the coal.

Afraid he might belong to a darker side of Christmas, Jack dreams of running away while Santa is out delivering presents. He steals the Naughty List, planning to use it as a map to find his Christmas demon idol, Krampus, who travels the world Christmas Eve to punish all the Naughty Children.

But Jack’s dream turns nightmarish just as he finally meets his idol and discovers that he is on Krampus’ Naughty List. And Krampus doesn’t play nice. At all. As a matter of fact, Krampus is downright evil…attacking Santa and dragging Jack’s kinda-sorta girlfriend, Candi, into the underworld. Can Jack rescue them and the Naughty Children in time to save Christmas? $2.69 on Kindle.

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Free: Holy Roundness

Holy Roundness
When a cult flourishes around a mysterious, floating sphere, believers may be in for a big surprise. Free on Kindle.

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Kids Say The Darndest Things To Santa Claus

Kids Say The Darndest Things To Santa Claus

Where Art Linkletter left off, Santa Don picks up! After asking kids for their wish lists at Christmas as a volunteer Santa Claus, the author has heard it all. Now he shares the best of the best 85 stories. You’ll laugh, cry and recall the true meaning of Christmas for children. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always touching and sweet, these stories will entertain and warm the hearts of readers. Santa Tells All! $2.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Fake History: The Wildly Inaccurate, Ruthlessly Manipulative, Dangerously Deceptive, and REAL History of the World

Fake History: The Wildly Inaccurate, Ruthlessly Manipulative, Dangerously Deceptive, and REAL History of the World
Fake History is the textbook you wish you could have read while falling asleep in history class.

From Jesus Christ to Donald Trump, from Genesis to World War III, from ancient legends to alternative facts, Fake History takes a comic romp through the tangled narratives of history to reveal the scandalous truth of the world’s past and the incredible destiny to which it is heading. The provocative novel of “fictional nonfiction” takes the form of a mock textbook and rewrites human history as fake news. It satirizes the extremist spirit of the Information Age in all its social misinformation, political disinformation, and hysterical hyperreality. Free on Kindle.

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Kiss My Carol! “A Christmas Carol” Comedy for Grown-Ups!

Kiss My Carol! "A Christmas Carol" Comedy for Grown-Ups!

You’ve never seen Ebenezer Scrooge like this before, no matter HOW impossible that is to believe!

Still taking place in Victorian London with all the cozy characters you know and love, this completely original grown-up comedy adaption of “A Christmas Carol” may leave you totally exhausted and dribbling from laughter at the huge amount of hilarious insane twists throughout!

Like the loopy yet lovable townsfolk, cockeyed Marley, the fun and unique ghosts, plus the over-the-top dysfunctional Cratchit family. Oh yeah, and Tiny Tim has Tourette’s so there’s that too. All this awesomeness wrapped deliciously in a surprise ending so utterly satisfying and yet so totally original that it’s hard to believe a human being actually came up with it!

So, come join in on the holiday fun… And God Bless Us Everyone! $4.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Roses Are Red (Poems That Will Make You Thorny)

Roses Are Red (Poems That Will Make You Thorny)

For generations, we’ve been writing poems about romance, love, and what happens in the bedroom. This is a book dedicated to ruining all those poems and every relationship you’ve ever had.

These poems are perverse and immature. They’re shocking, yet also sometimes what you secretly wish you could say.

Give these poems to your partner to ruin any Valentine’s Day!

Poems written from both the perspective of the man and the woman, these love poems will have you howling in laughter by the end of the book. Free on Kindle.
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We Must Save Jepson!

Cannibals and lions and murder–oh my!

Britain’s greatest bumbler and his extraordinary African expedition. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Heiress in Training

Heiress in Training
Can Reena Rakowski find a more exciting life as Reena Barclay, American heiress? Come with her to England with this royal rule breaker. A sweet, contemporary romance that will leave you laughing! $0.99 on Kindle.

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Hairbag Nation: A Story of the New York City Transit Police (Book 1:The Police Riot)

HAIRBAG NATION: A Story of the New York City Transit Police, Book 1, The Police Riot

Being a cop in New York City can be challenging. Being a cop in the NYC subway can be disheartening.

The daily environment of the transit cop – the dirt, grime, urine, graffiti, homeless, crowds, noise, and crime is enough to stifle anyone’s spirit.

Throw in a hefty helping of inept leadership, ridiculous summons and arrest quotas, problems at home, and an unappreciative public and it’s no wonder that some cops fall prey to cynicism, apathy and indifference. Police in New York City have a term for these burnt-out cops – hairbags.

This is the story of an oddball group of misfits who patrolled New York City’s subterranean underworld during the 1980s. This is Hairbag Nation. $0.99 on Kindle.
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Dearest Fluffy

Dearest Fluffy
When you’re stuck hundreds of miles from home, what do you turn to for fun? It probably didn’t exist in 1861. But writing did. And letters. Remember them? Little pieces of trees wrapped in other little pieces of trees. Back then, sheep were pretty common on farms, because everybody had to darn their own socks. Have you ever tried to darn your own socks uphill both ways in the snow? Me neither, but let’s pretend.

What was a bored Union soldier supposed to do with all that free time between marching and skirmishes? Take a nap? Shave? Writing letters doesn’t sound so bad, now, does it? So, J.J. wrote home to a sheep (and other animals). Cut him some slack! He’s wearing wool, after all. $0.99 on Kindle.
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