450 One Line Insults and Put Downs: Funny Put Downs and Horrible Insults That’ll Win Any Argument

450 One Line Insults and Put Downs: Funny Put Downs and Horrible Insults That'll Win Any Argument
If you want to verbally destroy your friends and family with hilarious comebacks, without sounding like a child, then read on…

Looking to zing your friends, family, and co-workers with laughable one-liners?

Want a quick and simple insult that is perfect for every situation?

In need of a hilarious gag gift that’ll leave your recipient laughing out loud?

If so, 450 One Line Insults and Put Downs is for you, because it was written by professional comedians that specialize in raunchy retorts, crafted comebacks, and ouch-worthy insults.

Imagine having hundreds of hilarious responses at your disposal next time someone, friend or foe, tries to pick you fight with you!

Why This Book Is Different:

This book is different because it is jam-packed with content that is ACTUALLY funny for adults.

You’ll Soon Discover:

Hundreds of jaw-dropping and hilarious insults that will leave your opponent speechless.

The perfect one-line comeback for the friend that just loves giving you the finger.

Why this book is the perfect gag gift for someone that could use a helping hand in an argument.

What your personality, a busted chapstick, and beached whale all have in common.

A few golden classics involving your mother and all the terrible things about her.

And so much more! $0.99 on Kindle.

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We Must Save Jepson! (A Novella)

We Must Save Jepson! (A Novella)
Part rip-roaring adventure, part scathing historical satire, and entirely hilarious, We Must Save Jepson! is the tale of clueless-yet-determined librarian H. R. Huxtable and his band of misfits as they battle to rescue a beleaguered British outpost in Victorian-era central Africa. $0.99 on Kindle.
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Free: The Cul-De-Sac

The Cul-De-Sac
Lucas and Bennett Gaines are the newest home owners on Calumny Court. Being a gay couple in their mid-thirties, the two must navigate through the traditional lifestyle of those that live on the cul-de-sac. At every turn, they run into what seems to be a never-ending set of problems with the judgmental and catty neighbors.

Their biggest obstacle comes from Skyler Steller and Zachary Cauderling, gay, entitled, college boys that have lived in the neighborhood for years with their family. Little do the Gaines know that these two scheming college boys have their own hidden agenda that could put their relationship in peril.

Will Lucas and Bennett be able to adapt to the standards and expectations that come with living on the cul-de-sac?

The Worrier: Lucas Gaines
will go out of his way to fit in with the new neighbors.

The Easy-Goer: Bennett Gaines
is oblivious to the judgment and pretension that exists on the cul-de-sac.

The Narcissist: Zachary Cauderling
never takes accountability or responsibility for his actions.

The Conspirator: Skyler Steller
always plays mind games with anyone and everyone.

As if being gay didn’t come with its own set of problems and prejudices already. Try being gay and moving to the cul-de-sac, where there are judges and juries all around you.

Warning: contains sexual situations, hotties dancing shirtless in the club, sexual sabotage, shenanigans in an SUV and proof that being gay in a cul-de-sac can be a sticky situation. Free on Kindle.

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Free: Jack Hansen – Small Man of the Big City: A Day Like Any Other

Jack Hansen - Small Man of the Big City: A Day Like Any Other
Do you feel like a squirrel trapped inside a spinning wheel? Then you simply haven’t met Jack Hansen yet! Jack is an alright guy, but he’s always betrayed by his bad luck. His neighbor, Garry, is always hooking up with yet another stunner. His co-worker, Bill, is constantly pursuing a brunette who ignores him. The toady Larson is always fawning and groveling to ingratiate himself to and become his boss’s favorite. Austin next door does not believe in the sincerity of his lover Phil’s feelings for him. And, just perhaps, it is the mysterious young woman from the window across the street from his who is entirely to blame for the fact that Jack’s day has taken an unexpected turn for the worse, and proceeds to go to the dogs? Free on Kindle.

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My Neighbours Are Stealing My Mail

My Neighbours Are Stealing My Mail
More hilarious ghostly capers with Alan Rose and the Ghost of a 1970s stand – up comedian Frankie Fortune.

In their fourth book Alan Rose has quit his job and, much to his disappointment moved in with his girlfriend, Rosie. But if only it was. Rosy, that is. You see, he’s not getting any mail. Convinced his neighbors are stealing it, he investigates. Only to find evidence of…witchcraft.

Meanwhile the Merton Palace Theatre is being renovated. As the building work continues, strange noises can be heard from the cellar. What have the builders disturbed?

The crew of the cable TV show Scared Stiff are sent in to broadcast the strange happenings live on air.

What could possibly go wrong? $1.30 on Kindle.

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Bad Elf

Bad Elf

A Goth-elf, Jack is not like most other elves at The Pole. He hates the cold. Hates making toys. And he thinks Santa might be just a little bit too stingy with the coal.

Afraid he might belong to a darker side of Christmas, Jack dreams of running away while Santa is out delivering presents. He steals the Naughty List, planning to use it as a map to find his Christmas demon idol, Krampus, who travels the world Christmas Eve to punish all the Naughty Children.

But Jack’s dream turns nightmarish just as he finally meets his idol and discovers that he is on Krampus’ Naughty List. And Krampus doesn’t play nice. At all. As a matter of fact, Krampus is downright evil…attacking Santa and dragging Jack’s kinda-sorta girlfriend, Candi, into the underworld. Can Jack rescue them and the Naughty Children in time to save Christmas? $2.69 on Kindle.

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Kids Say The Darndest Things To Santa Claus

Kids Say The Darndest Things To Santa Claus

Where Art Linkletter left off, Santa Don picks up! After asking kids for their wish lists at Christmas as a volunteer Santa Claus, the author has heard it all. Now he shares the best of the best 85 stories. You’ll laugh, cry and recall the true meaning of Christmas for children. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always touching and sweet, these stories will entertain and warm the hearts of readers. Santa Tells All! $2.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Fake History: The Wildly Inaccurate, Ruthlessly Manipulative, Dangerously Deceptive, and REAL History of the World

Fake History: The Wildly Inaccurate, Ruthlessly Manipulative, Dangerously Deceptive, and REAL History of the World
Fake History is the textbook you wish you could have read while falling asleep in history class.

From Jesus Christ to Donald Trump, from Genesis to World War III, from ancient legends to alternative facts, Fake History takes a comic romp through the tangled narratives of history to reveal the scandalous truth of the world’s past and the incredible destiny to which it is heading. The provocative novel of “fictional nonfiction” takes the form of a mock textbook and rewrites human history as fake news. It satirizes the extremist spirit of the Information Age in all its social misinformation, political disinformation, and hysterical hyperreality. Free on Kindle.

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Kiss My Carol! “A Christmas Carol” Comedy for Grown-Ups!

Kiss My Carol! "A Christmas Carol" Comedy for Grown-Ups!

You’ve never seen Ebenezer Scrooge like this before, no matter HOW impossible that is to believe!

Still taking place in Victorian London with all the cozy characters you know and love, this completely original grown-up comedy adaption of “A Christmas Carol” may leave you totally exhausted and dribbling from laughter at the huge amount of hilarious insane twists throughout!

Like the loopy yet lovable townsfolk, cockeyed Marley, the fun and unique ghosts, plus the over-the-top dysfunctional Cratchit family. Oh yeah, and Tiny Tim has Tourette’s so there’s that too. All this awesomeness wrapped deliciously in a surprise ending so utterly satisfying and yet so totally original that it’s hard to believe a human being actually came up with it!

So, come join in on the holiday fun… And God Bless Us Everyone! $4.99 on Kindle.

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We Must Save Jepson!

Cannibals and lions and murder–oh my!

Britain’s greatest bumbler and his extraordinary African expedition. $0.99 on Kindle.

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Hairbag Nation: A Story of the New York City Transit Police (Book 1:The Police Riot)

HAIRBAG NATION: A Story of the New York City Transit Police, Book 1, The Police Riot

Being a cop in New York City can be challenging. Being a cop in the NYC subway can be disheartening.

The daily environment of the transit cop – the dirt, grime, urine, graffiti, homeless, crowds, noise, and crime is enough to stifle anyone’s spirit.

Throw in a hefty helping of inept leadership, ridiculous summons and arrest quotas, problems at home, and an unappreciative public and it’s no wonder that some cops fall prey to cynicism, apathy and indifference. Police in New York City have a term for these burnt-out cops – hairbags.

This is the story of an oddball group of misfits who patrolled New York City’s subterranean underworld during the 1980s. This is Hairbag Nation. $0.99 on Kindle.
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Dearest Fluffy

Dearest Fluffy
When you’re stuck hundreds of miles from home, what do you turn to for fun? It probably didn’t exist in 1861. But writing did. And letters. Remember them? Little pieces of trees wrapped in other little pieces of trees. Back then, sheep were pretty common on farms, because everybody had to darn their own socks. Have you ever tried to darn your own socks uphill both ways in the snow? Me neither, but let’s pretend.

What was a bored Union soldier supposed to do with all that free time between marching and skirmishes? Take a nap? Shave? Writing letters doesn’t sound so bad, now, does it? So, J.J. wrote home to a sheep (and other animals). Cut him some slack! He’s wearing wool, after all. $0.99 on Kindle.
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Diary of a H.O. (House Officer)

Diary of a H.O. (House Officer)

This book could save your life! If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like working at a hospital Level 1 trauma center this book offers unfiltered true stories which occurred during a surgeon’s first year of training. The book offers insight into modern healthcare and the state of society. You will laugh, cry, and question your beliefs about the healthcare system and patients.

CHARITABLE: 30% of profits from the sale of this book will be donated to healthcare non-profit organizations such as the American Cancer Society, the American Heart Association, and any current global medical pandemic funds.

Please visit DIARYOFAHO.COM for more information. This is a work of sociology, psychology, medicine, surgery, dealing with the public, putting others ins front of yourself, and self-reflective learning. HIPPA compliance maintained. Everyone’s talking about the healthcare system. Don’t miss out, be informed and read Diary of a H.O. $4.94 on Kindle.

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Change Of A Dress

Change Of A Dress
GEORGE MANLEY political novice and closeted cross-dresser runs for US president and wins. This fast-paced, farcical, quirky comedy takes you to the heart of the presidency and one man’s struggle for the White House, to save America, and for personal acceptance. $1.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Mr. Hyde, Book 6 of the Carrows Family Chronicles

Mr. Hyde, Book 6 of the Carrows Family Chronicles
A narcissistic, criminally unscrupulous NYC real estate developer and bully crosses paths with the billionaire Carrows family. Wait. The Russians are involved? Naturally, they have their own agenda. They usually do. It’s good versus evil time. Upon whom will you bet? A humorous, satirical mystery caper series. Another intricately woven sting operation. Sit back, relax, have a laugh, and unwind as the Carrows manage the bad guys for us all. A stand-alone in the six-book series. Free on Kindle.

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Free: Managed Care

Managed CareBook of the Year. Is it too much to ask that a managed care facility refund a year’s advance payment when your grandfather dies before he can move in? Frank Johnson doesn’t think so, which is why the thirty-three-year-old now lives in a nursing home, locked in a chess match feud with management that doesn’t occupy nearly enough of his time. Free on Kindle.

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Free: Jack Hansen – Small Man of the Big City

Jack Hansen - Small Man of the Big City
Do you feel like a squirrel trapped inside a spinning wheel? Then you simply haven’t met Jack Hansen yet! Jack is an alright guy, but he’s always betrayed by his bad luck. His neighbor, Garry, is always hooking up with yet another stunner. His co-worker, Bill, is constantly pursuing a brunette who ignores him. The toady Larson is always fawning and groveling to ingratiate himself to and become his boss’s favorite. Austin next door does not believe in the sincerity of his lover Phil’s feelings for him. And, just perhaps, it is the mysterious young woman from the window across the street from his who is entirely to blame for the fact that Jack’s day has taken an unexpected turn for the worse, and proceeds to go to the dogs? Free to $0.99 on Kindle.

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Free: Dead & Busy (Four Book Series)

DEAD & BUSY (4 book series)
A paranormal detective like Dave Callaghan has already seen everything, but he never expected to find a presumed dead mobster drinking scotch in his armchair, or to have an insistent but sexy ectoplasmic hooker get him into trouble. For Dave it’s all in a day’s work when he has to rid a mobster of talking mice that keep popping up when it’s the least convenient, or to find an accountant who has eloped with a ghost.

As they say, Dave Callaghan is not here to bring you profound, life-changing thoughts; only quick, unadulterated fun. Free to $2.99 on Kindle.

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